aide pour redaction en anglais urgent pls

Bonjour,

Matière / Niveau:

Problème ou exercice:

Où j'en suis:

Mes questions:bonjour j'ai fais un Writing et j'aimerais si c'est possible que vous me le corrigiez ou me donniez votre avis.

Imagine you are on a holiday trip in a city where you're spending your dream holiday . write to a friend to tell her about it. include details about:the country you are in. the weather, your company,where you're staying ,the people in that country,your coming plans, and your feelings and impressions;

Dear Amina:
How are you and who is your family? for my next holiday trip i want to spend it in Paris .this is my only dream in my life .
I'm planing to travelling by plane with my family on June. i guest the weather will be wonderful in this period ;sunny and agreeable
and i planning to staying in a modern hotel near the shopping centre because i want to buying some things for presents for my family.
and i am also hopping to meet a new people and eating in a Nice's french restaurants ;i like them food .

Un avis, en voilà un: c'est pas terrible.

How are you and who is your family?

Comment vas-tu et qui est ta famille?

for my next holiday trip i want to spend it in Paris.

Et d'une, la première personne du singulier en Anglais s'écrit TOUJOURS avec une majuscule quelle que soit sa place dans la phrase.

Et là, les vraies choses sérieuses commencent:

I'm planing to travelling

trad: J'avionant de voyageant... ça ne veut rien dire ni en anglais ni en français.

i guest the weather will be wonderful

Trad: J'invité que le temps sera magnifique.

and i planning to staying

Trad: et je prévoyant de restant...

because i want to buying some things for presents for my family.

Trad: parce que je veux achetant quelques choses pour cadeaux pour ma famille.

and i am also hopping to meet a new people and eating in a Nice's french restaurants ;i like them food .

Trad: Et j'espère aussi bondissant de rencontrer un nouveaux gens et mangeant dans un restaurant français de Nice; J'apprécie eux nourriture.

Je peux savoir, tu veux aller à Paris ou à Nice?

Il y a du travail.

En bref, il manque des auxiliaires un peu de partout, le progressif ça s'utilise avec eux.
Le progressif (encore lui), faut pas en abuser non plus.

(Modifié par Eejit le 11-06-2008 à 13:06)

j'ai refais un autre rewriting j'aimerai bien que vous jetiez un coup d'oeil svp et merci bp


My Dear Betty,

Here I am finally in that wonderful dream paradise, the one we both were dreaming to visit one day.
Remember? Yes, Hawai, the island of Love and Peace, the island of easy living by the beach under the sun and the palm trees, the island where you can be surrounded by lots of people and at the same time you enjoy the calm and the leasure.


Here, the weather is just what every human being on this earth would enjoy and yearn for.
By the way, my cousin Isabelle, the one we used to play together with, joined me from Miami, where she lives now and we are having the fun of our life.

The food is just out of this world, not to mention the drinks and specially the exotic fruits.
All what is missing is your presence with us, we would have completed the good old trio.
Anyhow, I should be back by the end of the week and I can’t wait to show you the

thousands of pictures I took.
Hope to see you soon in the best health.

Yes, Hawai, the island of Love and Peace,

First, Hawaii is the archipelago's name and the island's name should be written: Hawai'i.

the island where you can be surrounded by lots of people and at the same time you enjoy the calm and the leasure.

Pourquoi deux sujets dans la phrase? Le deuxième 'you' est superflu.

joined me from Miami, where she lives now and we are having the fun of our life.

I'd say 'we're having the time of our lives'; as long as it concerns your cousin, it does not concern only your life, you self-centered one.

especially the exotic fruits.

All what is missing is your presence with us

All that is missing...

'presence with us' sounds unnatural to me, but I'm not sure, so I'll keep it as it is.