aide pour une correction d'expression écrite anglais: type bac terminal ES

Salut à tous,


J'ai une expression écrite d'anglais à faire dont voici le sujet:

Adapting to a new life is not always easy.
Would you be prepared to go and live in a foreign country?

Pourriez-vous me dire si je répond bien au sujet
et
m'aider en me donnant des conseils sur ce qui ne convient pas tel que des fautes d'orthographe?!


There is no denying that it is not to be always easy to live in another country, because it is like a new start; a new life where we have to begin again everything.
Furthermore, that implies the fact of having to leave her family and her friends, and maybe even the place where we spent our childhood.
It is in a sense a break of live usual.
Moreover, we can feel the homesickness; our adaptation can be difficult because he can have problems of understanding there because it is not the same spoken language.
Then, it is not the same culture; let us take the example of the « KYKUYU » which contrary to a big continent, do not know their date of birth because for them it is not important; Only the circumcision and the climatic chances are it.
But also let us take for example KWAN who is surprised by a large number of things which seem harmless for the young Americans, but which are for her unusual, such as the sprinkler system .
Nevertheless, to leave living abroad has to be a fantastic experience; an extraordinary adventure; because she allows to make new knowledge; to exchange; for example, to exchange recipes; Make some of our customs known; and learn it.
To go and live in a foreigner country testifies of a big open-minded and thus to open on the world.
As for me, I would like to go and live abroad, notably in the United States; because I like particularly English, and because I find that it is the very hard-working country which does not sleep on its laurels. It makes everything to be always the best. I have the " American dream " today.

Je vous remercie d'avance

Pas le courage d'aller plus loin (j'ai épuisé mon quopta d'aglais ;))

Mais tu fais ton texte autour d'une première personne du plurier (we) et tu parles de "her family" qui serait à remplacer par "our family"...

Courage!

As ever, just dropped by to say I currently have no time on me hands.

I'll get back to the english corrections I've put on hold in a few days. (couting : 2 so far)

Sorry 'bout all this bo's.

tu réponds sur le sujet mais il y a quelques fautes...

There is no denying that it is not to be (tu n'as pas besoin de mettre ca ici) always easy to live in another country, because it is like a new start; a new life where we have to begin again everything.
Furthermore, that implies the fact of having to leave her (ma = my, notre = our) family and her (mes = my, notre = our) friends, and maybe even the place where we spent our childhood.
It is in a sense a break of live usual. (a change in our everyday life?)
Moreover, we can feel the homesickness; our adaptation can be difficult because he (il?) can have problems of understanding there because it is not the same spoken language.
Then, it is not the same culture; let us take the example of the « KYKUYU » which contrary to a big continent, do not know their date of birth because for them it is not important; Only the circumcision and the climatic chances (changes?) are it.
But also let us take for example KWAN who is surprised by a large number of things which seem harmless for the young Americans, but which are for her unusual, such as the sprinkler system .
Nevertheless, to leave living abroad has to be a fantastic experience; an extraordinary adventure; because she (en anglais, quand on parle d'une chose, d'un événement ou bien en général, c'est "it") allows to make new knowledge; to exchange; for example, to exchange recipes; Make some of our customs known; and learn it.
To go and live in a foreigner (just foreign) country testifies of a big open-minded and thus to open on the world.
As for me, I would like to go and live abroad, notably in the United States; because I like particularly English (dans l'autre sens, english particularly), and because I find that it is the (a pas the) very hard-working country which does not sleep on its laurels. It makes everything to be always the best. I have the " American dream " today.

Je te remercie de ton aide; après avoir pris en compte tes indications; j'ai procédé à la correction; est-ce bon?

Pourriez-vous m'aider en me disant ce que je pourrais rajouter pour renforcer mon devoir; et me dire ce qui est HORS SUJET dans mon expression.

MERCI D'AVANCE


There is no denying that not always easy adapting to a new life en we are prepare to go and live in a foreign country, because it is like a new start; a new life where we have to begin again everything.
Furthermore, that implies the fact of having to leave our family and our friends, and maybe even the place where we spent our childhood.
It is a change in our everyday life.
Moreover, we can feel the homesickness; our adaptation can be difficult because we can have problems of understanding there because it is not the same spoken language.
Then, it is not the same culture; let us take the example of the tribe of « KYKUYU » which contrary to Americans , do not know their date of birth because for them it is not important; Only the circumcision and the climatic changes are it.
But also let us take for example KWAN who is surprised by a large number of things which seem harmless for the young Americans, but which are for her unusual, such as the sprinkler system .
Nevertheless, to leave living abroad has to be a fantastic experience; an extraordinary adventure; because it allows to make new knowledge; to exchange; for example, to exchange recipes; Make some of our customs known; and learn it.
To go and live in a foreigner country testifies of a big open-minded and thus to open on the world.
As for me, I would like to go and live abroad, notably in the United States; because I like english particularly, and because I find that it is very hard-working country which does not sleep on its laurels.
It makes everything to be always the best.
Moreover, later, I would like to be an internationale commercial and America it’s the perfect somewhere I can make this job.
I am dreamer of All America; for famous characters like Maryln Monroe; history, monuments; But it’s ok that is there are drawbacks like weapons… but it’s like all the others continents; there are inconvenients.
So, I have the " American dream " today.

Ten minutes of my time. The best I can do for now.

There is no denying that it is not always easy adapting to a new life

en we are prepare to go and live in a foreign country, because it is like a new start; a new life where we have to begin again everything.

Huh? Le 'en' je sais pas ce que c'est mais en anglais, ça n'existe pas.
'we are prepare' : J'en ai assez de corriger des fautes de temps.
Est-ce qu'en français tu dis "on est prépare"? ou "on est préparer"?
we are PREPARED

we have to begin again everything

Trad: Nous avons à recommencer encore tout...
restart everything; get a fresh start; start anew everything... Pourtant les formules ne manquent pas.

Moreover, we can feel the homesickness;

Tsss, we could get homesick would be better.

our adaptation can be difficult because we can have problems of understanding there because it is not the same spoken language.

Faut arrêter le mot à mot, ça rend les phrases lourdes et pas toujours compréhensibles.
"our adaptation can be difficult":
- Adapting could prove difficult.
- Fitting in could be a hard task.
- The main difficulty is adapting.
Il y en a pléthore.

"we can have problems of understanding there"
Alors, là je vais pas être tendre, je viens de voir deux fois l'utilisation du verbe 'can' dans une situation hypothétique. Et le conditionnel c'est pour qui?
Le 'there' de cette partie de la phrase tu peux le virer.
Et tu la réécris au conditionnel.

All right, just spent 15 minutes on this. Must really go to bed,. I'll get back to this text tomorrow evening if I have time.


[ Ce message a été modifié par : : Eejit le 29-10-2007 00:35 ]

Je vous remercie de votre aide; j'ai donc procédé à la correction.

De plus, j'ai une question à vous poser: Je met beaucoup de point virgule dans mon expression; est-ce mauvais?

MERCI D'AVANCE

There is no denying that it is not always easy adapting to a new life
when we are prepared
to go and live in a foreign country, because it is like a new start;
a new life where we have start anew everything.
Furthermore, that implies the fact of having to leave our family and our friends, and maybe even the place where we spent our childhood.
It is a change in our everyday life.
Moreover, we could get homesick;
Adapting could prove difficult because we would have problems of understanding because it is not the same spoken language.
Then, it is not the same culture; let us take the example of the tribe of « KYKUYU » which contrary to Americans , do not know their date of birth because for them it is not important; Only the circumcision and the climatic changes are it.
But also let us take for example KWAN who is surprised by a large number of things which seem harmless for the young Americans, but which are for her unusual, such as the sprinkler system .
Nevertheless, to leave living abroad has to be a fantastic experience; an extraordinary adventure; because it allows to make new knowledge; to exchange; for example, to exchange recipes; Make some of our customs known; and learn it.
To go and live in a foreigner country testifies of a big open-minded and thus to open on the world.
As for me, I would like to go and live abroad, notably in the United States; because I like english particularly, and because I find that it is very hard-working country which does not sleep on its laurels.
It makes everything to be always the best.
Moreover, later, I would like to be an internationale commercial and America it’s the perfect somewhere I can make this job.
I am dreamer of All America; for famous characters like Maryln Monroe; history, monuments; But it’s ok that is there are drawbacks like weapons… but it’s like all the others continents; there are inconvenients.
So, I have the " American dream " today.
I am open-minded and I like leaving to the discovery of new horizons for not to be ethnocentrist because I have realize by my experience that ethnocentrism is a mistake.

Then, it is not the same culture; let us take the example of the tribe of « KYKUYU » which contrary to Americans , do not know their date of birth because for them it is not important; Only the circumcision and the climatic changes are it.

De deux choses l'une, ou c'est du mot à mot ou c'est de la traduction automatique. Qu'est-ce donc? Sois honnête en répondant, s'il te plait.

Je ne vois pas l'intérêt de la traduction automatique donc je te répond sincérement c'est du mot à mot( bien que je n'ai pas fais expré)

Le traducteur automatique me donne l'impression d'avoir été pris pour un c...

Donc, je corrige.

Then, it is not the same culture; let us take the example of the tribe of « KYKUYU » which contrary to Americans , do not know their date of birth because for them it is not important; Only the circumcision and the climatic changes are it.

Je remplace le "Then" par "And".

"let us take the example of the tribe of « KYKUYU »"
Hé ben, le mot à mot fait des dégâts.
First : the kyuku tribe
Second : let's consider blah blah blah as an example.
Et puis pourquoi le "qui contraire aux Américains"? Je traduis ce qui est écrit.

"Considérons la tribu Kyuku dont les membres ne ne connaissent pas leurs dates de naissance"

"Only the circumcision and the climatic changes are it." Il fait quoi là, le 'It'?
De plus, j'utiliserai le possessif quant à la criconcision.

But also let us take for example KWAN who is surprised by a large number of things which seem harmless for the young Americans, but which are for her unusual, such as the sprinkler system .

Même réflexion que précédemment sur "prenons l'exemple". Il existe des formules toutes faites en Anglais pour exprimer ceci.

C'est qui KWAN?

Et je saisis le sens général de la phrase mais je pense qu'elle est en désordre.

Nevertheless, to leave living abroad has to be a fantastic experience;

Alors là, je résiste pas, je traduis : Néammoins, partir de la vie à l'étranger est obligatoirement une expérience fantastique.
Ca manque de structure, et il existe des formules de grammaire.

because it allows to make new knowledge; to exchange; for example, to exchange recipes; Make some of our customs known; and learn it.

Ha? On peut fabriquer de nouvelles connaissances? Comment?
Que tu veuilles faire part de tes coutumes à quelqu'un soit, mais apprendre les tiennes? Tu ne les connais pas déjà?
Il y a quelques confusions de pronoms et de verbes.

Bon, je suis un peu fatigué ce soir. Je reviens à ton texte ou plus tard dans la soirée ou demain. Il serait profitable pour toi que tu retravailles tout le texte avec les indications prodiguées et pas eulement les parties que nous corrigeons.